I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
