No stitches, just platelets and will power
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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