Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That was before I lit my hair on fire
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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