just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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