My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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