I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
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There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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