i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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