Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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