i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
