So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
