What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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