Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
