You're my little dorito
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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