My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
