That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
