Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
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Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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