not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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