Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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