we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize