Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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