Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize