I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I need to stop coming to work sober
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
