it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
