she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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