Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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