Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
