he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
