Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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