Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
