Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
