quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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