in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
