Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize