I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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