Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
