whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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