I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
