He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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