OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
