did you get engaged???
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
