paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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