Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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