I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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