he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
