the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
