She is in my trunk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
