I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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