if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
