Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
