Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
