Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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