so that wasnt chicken after all
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
