I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
