the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
