btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Sacagawea was the original milf.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug