Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.