I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
