I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!