I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now