I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that